Lazy Pirate Slaughtered by Genetisystems Security Forces

The ongoing three-week old border conflict between the annoying to type H.O.U.S.E. corporation and stalwart Genetisystems corporation flared up again last night when a small squadron of Genetisystems pilots hunted and destroyed a prominent member of H.O.U.S.E.

"I think he floated out of station by accident," explained Train Tracks, member of the successful squadron. "Then we beat the shit out of him."

The pirate's Pilgrim was valued at well over 100 Million ISK.

"I'm not sure he was even in the right window when he undocked" said Allya Modrane, CEO. Modrane is referring to the pod pilot interface that allows for others to view important sites like PodCloneBook and "games" like AsteroidVille.

As the night continued H.O.U.S.E. lost an additional Drake Battlecruiser to the noble Genetisystems forces.

The total losses of the *sigh* H.O.U.S.E. corporation have totaled almost 400 Million ISK to date, with an unknown number of losses associated with potential pilot implants. Though Genetisystems is not without casualties, the balance is clearly in the scrappy corporations favor.

Convoy Escort Distracted by "Classic" Car, loses Convoy

A Genetisystems convoy was ambushed and destroyed Wednesday night when a Genetisystems scout pilot was distracted by what he referred to as a "classic ride."

While waiting at the Onnamon gate in Empire space, a Drake and Badger pilot were instructed by the scout to enter low security Kinakka as the way was "clear." Unfortunately, the scout was too distracted to realize he wasn't in Kinakka.

The destroyed Badger Mark II

"I was finishing my patrol when this sweet ride flew across my bow," said Stetin, scout pilot and jalopy enthusiast. "I swear that thing was like, uh, a space El Camino or somethin'."

"It may not have been your high falutin' "tech 2" nonsense but she was sure tech 2 in my book," said Stetin.

"Boy howdy I'll tell ya what!"

Seconds after entering Kinakka while Stetin was ogling the "space El Camino," both the Drake and Badger were immediately destroyed by well-armed and entrenched pirates that would have normally been spotted by a scout.

The scout's rough approximation of the "space El Camino"

"Yeah, my bad," said Stetin when asked about the botched scouting. "Badgers are a dime a dozen. Same with Drakes. But that El Camino...man, now that was a car!"

Stetin's security contract is currently under review by the Genetisystems Board of Directors.

Opinion: Concord Should be Staffed by Players

The editorial staff of the Daily Poddite had a thought this morning -- what if the pilots of Concord were staffed not by non-player entities, but entirely, or at least partially by players?

Space Bears Steal, then lose, Veritable "Honey Pot" of Omber

Two opportunistic pilots stumbled across a relatively undefended cache of Omber Friday night in a system that starts with the letter A. After a brief period of internal moral questioning, the pilots made off with the Omber.

A short period later, they lost it.

"I jettisoned a few missiles to create a cargo container," said Sturm Wellington. "Then, I just removed 38,000 units of Omber from the Osprey pilot's container and moved it to my own container."

"Easy peezy!" exclaimed Wellington, self-avowed galactic moron.

To evade any retribution from the victim, Sturm Wellington and his compatriot Ranger McFriendly quickly fled out of system in their vastly more powerful Cruiser and Battlecruiser.

"Boy, we sure got that sucker!" said Ranger McFriendly, escort and idiot accomplice. "Welcome to EVE!" he added.

After depositing a token amount of the Omber from his Caracal's hold into a nearby Funtanainen station, Wellington observed a key and unfortunate fact -- the cargo container containing the stolen Omber had not been bookmarked.

"I was like, 'hey Ranger, you bookmark the Omber?" explained Wellington. "And we was like, 'nuh uh, how 'bout you?"

"We both felt pretty stupid," said McFriendly.

Sturm Wellington managed to re-scan the cosmic anomaly and then find the cargo container once again. However, the time spent doing so greatly devalued the stolen Omber and the quality of the heist.

"My cloned heart just wasn't into it," said Wellington. "I just felt stupid and wanted to return to Oimmo to sulk."

No complaints were filed with the local Concord authorities regarding the heist.

Redneck Spacers Engage in "Wussy" Piracy

Late Thursday evening, long after the frogs started chripin', four members of the less-than-elite Salvage 'n Thiefen' Wing of Genetisystems stole 12 Million ISK in goods.

"We shore got those suckers good," said Sturm Wellington, Junker First Class. "I pulled up mah Thrasher, which is like the RV of the skies, and stole plenty!"

Salvage 'n Thiefen pilots desperately salvage before the law arrives.

"Weeeee doggies!" shouted Stetin.

The four members of the Salvage 'n Thiefen' Wing have been training for months to pull off a coordinated salvage heist against local militia groups.

"Allya here learnt how to find these folks with her....hold on one sec," said Stetin. "Honey, what do you call that damn space lookey thinger?"

"I call it 'space noodlin'" explained Griff Tarken. "Plus, the salvage sure pays the bills better than a durn catfish I'll tell you what."

"Good eatin' though."

The local population in Motsu was less enthusiastic about the salvage heist conducted by the four members of Genetisystems.

"These lazy hicks think they are so superior for stealing what is rightfully ours," complained one victim. "They are probably all dickless."

"Yeah, look at what that big city educating got them now, huh?" said Wellington. "Go write your congressman, you nancies."

Concord was contacted for comment, but had nothing to say on the subject.