Space Bears Steal, then lose, Veritable "Honey Pot" of Omber

Two opportunistic pilots stumbled across a relatively undefended cache of Omber Friday night in a system that starts with the letter A. After a brief period of internal moral questioning, the pilots made off with the Omber.

A short period later, they lost it.

"I jettisoned a few missiles to create a cargo container," said Sturm Wellington. "Then, I just removed 38,000 units of Omber from the Osprey pilot's container and moved it to my own container."

"Easy peezy!" exclaimed Wellington, self-avowed galactic moron.

To evade any retribution from the victim, Sturm Wellington and his compatriot Ranger McFriendly quickly fled out of system in their vastly more powerful Cruiser and Battlecruiser.

"Boy, we sure got that sucker!" said Ranger McFriendly, escort and idiot accomplice. "Welcome to EVE!" he added.

After depositing a token amount of the Omber from his Caracal's hold into a nearby Funtanainen station, Wellington observed a key and unfortunate fact -- the cargo container containing the stolen Omber had not been bookmarked.

"I was like, 'hey Ranger, you bookmark the Omber?" explained Wellington. "And we was like, 'nuh uh, how 'bout you?"

"We both felt pretty stupid," said McFriendly.

Sturm Wellington managed to re-scan the cosmic anomaly and then find the cargo container once again. However, the time spent doing so greatly devalued the stolen Omber and the quality of the heist.

"My cloned heart just wasn't into it," said Wellington. "I just felt stupid and wanted to return to Oimmo to sulk."

No complaints were filed with the local Concord authorities regarding the heist.

Frigate Tournament Concludes Amidst Cries of Foul Play

Nine frigate hulls and one pilot's good name lay derelict and burning in the Funtanainen System as a direct result of yesterday's Fourth Intergalactic Genetisystems and Guests Frigate Tournament for Pilots who Like to Pew.

"You won," said XivOps, convenient non-participant, to Stetin. "Kind of convenient, don't you think?"

"I thought you'd be happy for me," said Stetin, victor and accused cheater. "Now my feelings are hurt."

Stetin has remained undefeated for four tournaments now, leading many to question the validity of his title. Many felt his voracious onslaught was merely a prelude to his eventual victory.

"I felt like a Gurista Pirate just waiting for his bounty to be plucked," said Griff Tarken, a man renowned for quickly escaping his burning Merlins.

"I'm not even sure why Stetin bothered to transfer the Worm prize frigate all the way to Funtanainen," said Sturm Wellington, sore loser. "He kept boasting about all the goodies inside. Probably because he knew they'd be his goodies."

The Worm prize frigate now flown by Stetin.

The Worm, valued at 69 Million ISK, is reportedly both a collector's item and combat ship worthy of petty jealousy and envious emotions.

There have been discussions amongst the Board of Directors to modify the rules of the tournament, or outright cheat, in order to see a new, more legitimate champion emerge.

"I'm not averse to sabotage for future tournaments," said CEO Allya Modrane. "If it costs me a little ISK to see him explode "illegally," then fine."

"I'm just sick of his strutting," she added. Many have noted how nice it is that Incarna isn't available yet for just this reason.

Stetin has gone to the Intergalactic Board of Frigate Tournaments to plead his case and clear his name. Though his initial plea has been filed, it will be at least a year before opening arguments can be heard.

"In New Eden the defendant is guilty until proven innocent, so for the next year at least, Stetin is a cheater," said Sturm Wellington, self-proclaimed "space judicator."

"Regardless of the result of the case, we already intend to appeal," said Allya Modrane. "We may not be able to shoot him down in space, but we'll have our day in court."

Genetisystems will follow the case of Losers v. Stetin as it unfolds.

Redneck Spacers Engage in "Wussy" Piracy

Late Thursday evening, long after the frogs started chripin', four members of the less-than-elite Salvage 'n Thiefen' Wing of Genetisystems stole 12 Million ISK in goods.

"We shore got those suckers good," said Sturm Wellington, Junker First Class. "I pulled up mah Thrasher, which is like the RV of the skies, and stole plenty!"

Salvage 'n Thiefen pilots desperately salvage before the law arrives.

"Weeeee doggies!" shouted Stetin.

The four members of the Salvage 'n Thiefen' Wing have been training for months to pull off a coordinated salvage heist against local militia groups.

"Allya here learnt how to find these folks with her....hold on one sec," said Stetin. "Honey, what do you call that damn space lookey thinger?"

"I call it 'space noodlin'" explained Griff Tarken. "Plus, the salvage sure pays the bills better than a durn catfish I'll tell you what."

"Good eatin' though."

The local population in Motsu was less enthusiastic about the salvage heist conducted by the four members of Genetisystems.

"These lazy hicks think they are so superior for stealing what is rightfully ours," complained one victim. "They are probably all dickless."

"Yeah, look at what that big city educating got them now, huh?" said Wellington. "Go write your congressman, you nancies."

Concord was contacted for comment, but had nothing to say on the subject.