Pilot Gets Shot Down, Blames Girlfriend

An aloof pod pilot was shot down Tuesday night while dealing with his girlfriend.

Sturm Wellington and other elements of Genetisystems' elite Tactical Airwing were patrolling low sector space in Black Rise when fleet discipline fell apart, resulting in casualties.

"I ordered the fleet to hold on the gate," said Malek Treiss, fleet commander. "Everyone called in affirmative, except Sturm Wellington."

"He just disappeared," said Treiss.

The members of the fleet tried to communicate with Wellington via all possible methods, including shouting into the comm system, sending mail messages, and even ramming his Griffin.

Then, the inexplicable happened.

"Sturm came back onto the comms and shouted 'Sorry, back guys!'" explained Stetin. "Then he just jumped through the gate."

"It was one of the dumbest things I've seen in space," said Stetin.

"I immediately ordered Sturm back," said Treiss. "Unfortunately, there were pirates waiting for him on the other side and his Tech 1 Frigate exploded like a soft candy."

After the short, but hectic chase by the pirates, Wellington and the fleet were able to gather in station and debrief on the incident.

"My girlfriend called me while we were on patrol," explained Wellington. "I tried to get her off to phone by repeatedly shouting "I'm in a combat zone!"

"She just wouldn't listen though," he said. "They never do."

When Sturm Wellington was able to finally return to his Griffin's HUD, he found himself alone at the gate and assumed the fleet had jumped to the next system designated for the patrol. Unfortunately, the fleet was still in system, though now under cloak.

"I really wanted to try out my new cloaking device," explained Ty Langstrom, fleet member.

"We'll need to work with Sturm on his fleet discipline," said Malek Treiss. "Girlfriend or no, that sort of reckless flying will get us all podded."

Wellington's girlfriend was not available for comment.

Downed Pilots Share "Broment" While Awaiting Pick Up

After a brief, yet intense firefight between local pirates and Genetisystem's elite Tactical Airwing in Nalvula last week, two downed pilots were forced to share a pod for their very survival.

"My Rifter went down quickly," said Sturm Wellington. "I then looked outside my pod and saw Stetin go down as well."

It was then, Wellington explained, the situation grew tense.

"The Drake pilot that killed us fired a final missile at Stetin's pod," explained Wellington. "The missile wasn't a direct hit, but it was close enough."

"I knew if I didn't do something, Stetin would die. At least until he cloned himself again," continued Wellington.

Sturm Wellington directed his slow moving pod on an intercept course with Stetin's fatally damaged pod. Just as the two pods collided, Wellington opened his capsule, grabbed the now incapacitated Stetin from his capsule, and pulled him inside to safety.

"I was shocked when I finally came to," said Stetin. "I wasn't expecting to be alive...among other surprises."

"I tend to not wear pants when flying," explained Wellington. "They chafe and I find that I fly better without them."

"I wasn't expecting company," he added.

The two pilots shared several awkward hours in incredibly tight confines until the pod was finally picked up by Ranger McFriendly, a Genetisystems salvager.

"Opening that pod was pretty much the weirdest minute of my life," said McFriendly. "I think I'd rather die and be cloned than get pretzled in like that."

 "Sturm really helped me out back there," said Stetin. "I just hope he never does that again."

Genetisystems has announced to investors that establishing a presence in low security space is a high priority for the corporation this fiscal year. They have cautioned investors that costs will rise during this risky period of expansion.