Man the guns, kid!

It has been really hard for a lot of the community to get excited about Incarna, because it seems to be largely just a cosmetic feature. I had a thought today.

What if you can move around player owned stations? What if when it is attacked you hear the alarms and loud speakers tell you to man the guns? What if you run to your station and see your character manning it?

Still cosmetic, but suddenly it is a lot closer to Star Wars than The Sims.

Wellington Banished from Corp after Damning Trial

In a dramatic show trial that is surely to be remembered as the examination of one of New Eden's most reprehensible criminals, Sturm Wellington has been banished from Genetisystems.

"He's a disgusting, filthy, hairy little pod pilot," said Dirk Morbho, prosecuting attorney representing Genetisystems. "I haven't seen such in all my years flying for Genetisystems."

CEO Allya Modrane, the only smart one

"He makes the sound of a donkey being shoved in a waffle," he added.

The trial lasted 2 weeks and was initiated after Sturm Wellington made untoward advances upon noticing his CEO's recent plastic surgery.

"What can I say? Modrane had some "fries with that shake," explained Wellington.

Sturm Wellington, defendant/douchebag

"I'm just sad we couldn't act with respects towards each othersss," hissed Stetin, Allya Modrane's husband and space Smeagol impersonator. "Stupid, fats, Wellingtons!"

Stetin, angry freak

Many from Genetisystems' honored combat ranks stepped forward to defend Modrane's honor, but Wellington declined satisfaction, instead opting to flee into null security space like the coward he is.

"I just caught this historical holo-vid called "True Grit," in which the antagonist flees to indian territory," said Sturm Wellington. "I could see clear parallels to my own situation, so I fled."

"I'm hoping I don't die at the end," he added.

"Everyone can just calm down," cried Allya Modrane, CEO. "I could kill everyone here if need be. Wellington's an idiot and not worth my time."

"Plus," added Modrane, "Stetin is in desperate need of some color. Him getting angry drastically improved his complexion."

It remains to be seen whether the bounty on Wellington's head will be collected. To profit from the speculation, Dirk Morbho, Jax Hammer, and Ranger McFriendly have pitched in to create a "Days Until Sturm's Death" pool on the popular SOMER Blink lottery system.

"God I hope he dies Tuesday," said McFriendly. "I put a lot of ISK on Tuesday."

Opinion: Incursion's character editor is great, but it doesn't let me tell my story

Before I get too far in my criticism, I want to make a few things clear. CCP's newly launched character creator is very good. The controls work in a way that the player feels as if they are molding putty with their hands. A huge range of characters can be created, some beautiful, others hideous. CCP's artists also did a very good job of presenting the players with very good looking assets. A lot of games run the gamut with only 1 or 2 good looking assets, followed with a lot of crap that nobody wants to use. A few quibbles aside, namely the portrait selection mix-up, they did a good job. Many games provide players with a character creator. I can only name a few that I enjoy using, and I now list EVE's as one of them.

Alas, the new character creator doesn't let me tell my story. I believe EVE Online's greatest asset is that it gives players the tools with which to tell incredible stories that rival those created by celebrated fiction writers. Unlike those stories, the space operas that unfold in EVE are real, at least as real as our digital universe allows. We almost don't have a choice in the matter -- we have to tell our own stories. EVE's "carebear" content pales in comparison to its industry peers; if I seek out "player vs. environment," I'm going to play World of Warcraft, Lord of the Rings Online, or just go straight for a purely offline-single player experience like Mass Effect or Fallout 3.

Allya Modrane, CEO of Genetisystems

But, if I desire dynamic wars, unrivaled treachery, brilliant economic strategies, and awe-inspiring dogfights, I play EVE Online and I plot a course for low security and null security space as quickly as my drives warm up.

Stetin, voted "most like Smeagol" in pod yearbook

What do I mean by story? EVE's open character progression system lets you be anybody. However, unless you take drastic steps with the character itself, all of the assets provided to us solely serve the purpose of making our characters look like hip, stylish citizens of New Eden. Unfortunately, being stylish isn't something that earns you ISK. Perhaps it will with Incarna? This is all well and good if I'm attending a galactic banquet, but I want CCP to take a bigger step forward with future assets, mico-transaction driven or otherwise, to let us tell our stories and further define who our characters are.

How would I dress my corp mates?

Kass Modrane, Planetary industrialist

Ranger McFriendly is a devious trader. He plays the market like a devilish day trader. He would fit best in a sharp suit complete with electronic equipment that lets him stay connected to the market always. Ear piece, wrist computer, that sort of stuff.

Cheif Astartes is a former outlaw. He's done bad things, but he's a good soul at heart. To me, he's Mal from Firefly. He should look a little rugged and worn, perhaps in his old uniform from his previous employers.

Stetin and Dirk Morbho are both Han Solo's. They are good industrialists with a flare for combat and action when need be. Their clothes would be functional, comfortable, but non-military.

Allya Modrane reminds me of Sarah Kerrigan (pre-Zerg infestation); quiet, precise, and deadly. She could also be paired with the skills of the re-envisioned Battlestar Galactica's Starbuck. She would be dressed in a military outfit, perhaps a flight suit.

Ty Langstrom would wear greasy overalls, perfect for the industrialist that he is. He reminds me a bit of Starcraft's SCV pilots. He'll get what you need done and quickly.

Buster Krevas

XivOps is a mercenary; precise, always looking for his next kill. But, he's honorable. I see him in a very simple flight suit, without insignia. Decorations and medals just get in his way.

Jax Hammer is the intrepid explorer from the wormhole. He's just a hint goofy, but incredibly smart. I see him wearing something that's a mix between science officer and mechanic.

As for me, Sturm Wellington? I've always dreamed of being Maverick or Wedge Antilles. I see my character's role as a fighter pilot in the private navy of Genetisystems. I'd love to have a dress uniform. If I were to use the US Navy's ranking, I'd put myself at about the rank of Lieutenant Senior Grade, or perhaps even a Lt. Commander. I feel like my fellow pilot Train Tracks would also dress in a similar fashion.

Sturm Wellington, popped collar jerk

I have high hopes for the future of EVE Online and to be frank, I cannot wait for the Sansha's to invade Black Rise. My capsuleer's fingers are crossed. CCP deserves credit for a very good initial effort. But in order for the next chapter to succeed, they need to let me tell my story.

Screenshots of some of our new characters are scattered throughout.